C.O.G. - Do We Have the Power? ver 1.1

The first song starts with a music video then segues into


Pinkerton: My fellow scientists, ladies, gentlemen, and members of the worldwide press, allow me to introduce myself, for within a mere matter of minutes, my name will be a household word. I am Dr. Milo T. Pinkerton III, founder and leader of the Consortium of Genius, a group best known as the C.O.G.!!!


Pinkerton: Excellent! Now then, we have established that I have the Power. And how do you suppose I will use this amazing Power? YOU, how should I use it? And YOU, what do YOU think I should do with this Power? I see. Well naturally, YOU'RE ALL WRONG! It is time for me to utilize this Power in the boldest manner possible... for I shall now hypnotically enslave every single human who has not purchased our new CD, IN COG WE TRUST, utilizing my newest invention, the Hypnotronic Helmet! Those of you lucky enough to have bought the CD will be protected , but may view my triumph from here, via the modern magic of televideo screen.

<Dr. Rachnid guffaws at this claim>

Dr. Z: Dr. Pinkerton, I think you are over-reaching yourself again...

Pinkerton: Silence, Dr. A Rachnid, and Dr. Z! Don't you realize it is only your proximity to ME that circumvents your own imminent enslavement, mooohahahahaha!

Dr. Z: But it's not enough Power, Dr. Pinkerton...

Pinkerton: Hush! I must have ABSOLUTE SILENCE.

<puts on the helmet>


Pinkerton: Now, Dr. Z, engage the Hypnotron!

Dr. Z: OK...

<the sound of a power-buildup is heard>

Computer: Hypnotron activated.

Drumbot: Hey, I wanted to say that...

Pinkerton: <echoey voice> Now then. People of earth, your attention please. As your new lord and master, I command you to....

<suddenly the power drops off with a decreasing tone.>

Pinkerton: C.O.G. dammit! What is the problem now?

Computer: Power levels exhausted.

Drumbot: Ha ha.

Dr. Z: That's what I was trying to tell you. You may HAVE the Power, but you don't have nearly enough of it!

Pinkerton: Then we shall simply have to raise more! Dr. A Rachnid, aim the radioactive reaction receptor at the audience. We shall drain the power from them during this very lecture, utilizing a series of increasingly entertaining dance grooves!

Rachnid: Yeeees, master.

Pinkerton: Stop that.

Dr. Z: And WHY are we doing this again?

Pinkerton: Because we're scientists! Now then, ladies and gentlemen, I need your help. We need you all to dance, for that will boost the power. Now follow my lead, and we won't hurt you. Too much.


Pinkerton: Excellent work. Now then, Drumbot! Report current Power level!


Drumbot: Power level now at 35% but itís rising!

Pinkerton: Not quick enough!

Rachnid: Dr. Pinkerton, ever thought of trying hypnosis... MY WAY?

Pinkerton: YOUR way?

Rachnid: Yeesssss... watch this!


<Dr. Rachnid lights a black candle, then opens the Necronomicon and begins reading a strange incantation. Bizarre music starts playing. The horn-playing members of Egg Yolk Jubilee shamble like zombies up onto the stage.>

Rachnid: Heheheheh

Pinkerton: Dr. Harry A. Rachnid, how on earth did you do that?

Dr. Z: Kandarian Black Magic if you ask me! A taboo practice that is not only dangerous, but quite Morally Wrong!

Pinkerton: I'll tell YOU what is considered Morally Wrong!!!


<after the song, Egg Yolk Jubilee get a glazed look in their eyes and stand stock still. Dr. Pinkerton waves his hand in front of Eric's eyes.>

Pinkerton: They appear to be hypnotized. Can you hear me?

<Pinkerton holds his mic up to Eric's mouth>

Eric: Braaaaiiinnnnssss...

Pinkerton: We'll get to that topic in a bit.

Rachnid: Errr, best not to stand too close, Dr. Pinkerton. They are under the spell of the Evil One. If you break the incantation, they could crumble to dust - or even wither away to dry skeletons!

Pinkerton: Sounds like something I once encountered in the dancehalls of the undead!


Pinkerton: So, these...

Rachnid: Horn zombies!

Pinkerton: errr, yes, horn zombies. I can't afford to spare any of the brains in my collection just to keep them alive. What else might work?

Rachnid: Well... maybe if you had a spare bucket of blood lying around... like this one.

<gives it to the horn zombies, who accept it eagerly>

Dr. Z: Dr. Rachnid, why are you keeping buckets of blood around? We must get rid of them before we attract Vampirates!

Pinkerton: Z, don't be ridiculous. Vampriates are merely a myth based on 19th century operetta! Listen, I'll show you.


Pinkerton: Excellent! Now then, what do you think of that?

Eric: BRAINS...

Pinkerton: I do believe I already stipulated that we canít SPARE any brains! Weíre using ours currently...

<the horn zombies start going after Dr. Z>

Z: Why donít I just get a volunteer from the audience to help out!

Pinkerton: Yes, excellent thought. Iím sure at least a dozen of you lovely ladies and gentlemen arenít currently using your brains!


Pinkerton: Ooooh, what is that funky smell?

Dr. Z: Dr. Pinkerton, my people have a saying. "He that smelt it..."

Rachnid: Oh no, I'm afraid it's just the horn zombies.

Pinkerton: Urgh, you're right. <throws the brain off stage> Go fetch! Good dawg. Excellent.

Rachnid: You see, the spell is very effective, but unfortunately also quite terminal, and they start decaying soon afterwards, unless force-fed large quantities of MILK.

Pinkerton: Ahhhh! That makes perfect sense. Not only is MILK a great source of calcium, but itís also available in liquid AND powdered form!



Pinkerton: Quite right. I believe the subject was MY IMMINENT WORLD CONQUEST. Computer! Report power level.


Computer: Power level now at 45% and rising.

Drumbot: Uhhh, Dr. Pinkerton, the computerís wrong. The power levelís at 46%!

Pinkerton: Still not enough power!

Z: Then we should be using the power of mystical mideast mesmerism!

Pinkerton: And how do you propose that we do that?

<mysterious mideastern music starts up.>

Dr. Z: Just watch as I go to work... oh hello my beautiful people out there in the audience!

All: Hello Dr. Z!

Dr. Z: You are under my spell! I command you all to have a good time! Everybody say yeah!

All: Yeah!

Pinkerton: Oh for science sake, this is pathetic.

Dr. Z: When I say Doctor, you say Z! Doctor!

Audience: Z!

Dr. Z: Doctor!

Audience: Z!

Dr. Z: See how easily I command their minds, Dr. Pinkerton. Now watch this. Everybody dance like the Z man!

Pinkerton: What, what is this? This is hardly about the mind, it seems centered more on the gluteous maximus!


Pinkerton: Dr. Z, your muddled mysticism is not going to get us anywhere in taking over the world!

Dr. Z: Dr. Pinkerton, I was GETTING to that point when you interrupted me. You always interrupt me! Every time that you

Pinkerton: Silence! Now then, Dr. Z, no more dilly-dallying. But I shall give you one last chance to convince me.

Dr. Z: Now I command you all to dance for my pleasure!


Pinkerton: Dr. Z, this ponderous prancing is a preposterous waste of precious power! We're trying to take over all the world, not take home all the girls!

Dr. Z: But Dr. Pinkerton, it is in fact the same thing. Let me explain...

Pinkerton: No! Iím through with explanations. It is time to commence my takeover of the earth once and for all! Computer!


Drumbot: Yes, Dr. Pinkerton?

Pinkerton: No, not you, Drumbot. Computer, report power level.

Computer: Power level now at 90% and rising.

Drumbot: <imitating computer in a baby voice> Power level now at 90% and rising.

Computer: Shut up!

Drumbot: No you shut up!

Computer: Shut up!

Drumbot: No you shut up!

Computer: Dr. Pinkerton, tell drumbot to shut up!

Drumbot: <baby voice> Dr. Pinkerton, tell computer to shut up!

Pinkerton: Silence, both of you! Iíd unplug you BOTH, but drumbot is needed for the purposes of percussion, and you, computer, are running the lights! Look, after my world takeover, I promise thereíll be plenty of time to PARTY!



Drumbot: Hey, Dr. Pinkerton, the power levelís now at 96% and still rising!

Pinkerton: Excellent! Do you know what this means?

Rachnid: That weíre all going to die?

Pinkerton: Ha! Death cannot stop ME!



Drumbot: Power level now at 98%

Pinkerton: Excellent! Initiate Hypnotron startup sequence. This will be the dawn of a new era... a bold vision. My vision! All of you in this room will bear witness, for soon...



Computer: Power level at maximum.

Drumbot: Hey Dr. Pinkerton, the power levelís now at maximum!

Computer: I think he heard me when I said it, drumbot.

Pinkerton: Thatís it, I warned both of you. <takes out remote and shuts off both Computer and Drumbot>

Computer and Drumbot: No, wait stop...*BLIP*!

Pinkerton: Excellent. Ladies and gentlemen, now is your last chance. If you have not purchased the new CD, IN COG WE TRUST, Iíd highly advise doing so now, to avoid the fate of the world outside these walls. Now, prepare to watch as history is made... by yours truly! Mooohahahahaha

Rachnid: Weíd better get out of here...

Pinkerton: Silence! Dr. Z, engage the Hypnotron!!!

Dr. Z: OK, whatever you say Dr. Pinkerton...


<Pinkerton puts on the Hypno helmet. Z hits some switches on a panel. A low throbbing humming sound is heard, increasing in pitch. The lights dim and smoke starts pouring across the stage.>

Pinkerton: <echoey voice> Now then. People of earth, your attention please. As your new lord and master, I, Dr. Pinkerton, command you to all to Bow to the COG. Resistance, as they say, is futile! Now Bow to the COG!

<Pinkerton's body convulses, as up on the viewscreen, all kinds of television personalities (news anchors, standup comedians, etc.) appear and say 'Bow to the C.O.G.' Sounds build to a high pitch, the other doctors are holding their ears, etc, when suddenly, a sick sounding squishy explosion is heard. Screen goes out, lights return to normal. Blood is seen pouring down Pinkertonís lab coat from beneath the cylinder on his head.>

<Z glances underneath the cylinder>

Dr. Z: Ewwww... Uhhh, goodnight ladies and gentlemen, thatís the end of our lecture! Drive safely! Thank you, come again!

<Rachnid throws a cloth over Pinkertonís body and everyone leaves the stage as the lights go dark.>


© 2005 The Consortium of Genius.  All Rights Reserved.