'C.O.G.-A-WABA Battle of the Bands' Script 4/8/2003

The three scientists stride out onto the stage. The screens show 'C.O.G.-A-WABA Battle of the Bands'

Pinkerton: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the 23rd annual 'C.O.G.-A-

WABA' battle of the bands competition. I am your host, Dr. Milo T. Pinkerton III. And now without any further ado, I would like to announce the winner of this year's competition. Dr. Z, the envelope please.

Z hands Pinkerton an envelope, which Pinkerton opens.

Pinkerton: And the winner is... THE CONSORTIUM OF GENIUS!


Buzzers and bells go off. A and Z high five. The screens change to 'The Winner! Consortium of Genius'

Pinkerton: Excellent. We win again! All other bands can now leave. In the future, please do not bother showing up! Because...


Dr. A: Well, I guess they should be bowing to us... we really destroyed the competition.

Pinkerton: Quite right, Dr. A. In fact, it's a simple matter of a superior economic model. Which reminds me, tonight's little soiree is brought to you tonight by our favorite sponsor: ACME. You can't go wrong when you use ACME - the name you can trust.


Dr. Z: If it's ACME, it's a gasser!

Dr. A: Is that what I'm smelling?

Drumbot: Uhhh, Dr. Pinkerton, speaking of economics, are you forgetting the date?

Pinkerton: Not at all, Drumbot. The laws of economics state that there can be no mass consumption without... mass destruction.


Pinkerton: Now then, I heard some of you muttering to yourselves out there... WHY? Why all this destruction? Why did we win so easily? Well, it's simple really. It's because we're scientists.


Pinkerton: Now then, for those of you requiring a more complex answer, I shall prove how we won this year's C.O.G.-O-WAGO competition, using a simple differential equation...

Drumbot: Uhhh, Dr. Pinkerton, excuse me, but you have only a few hours left to file...

Pinkerton: Oh, thanks for reminding me Drumbot! Why, if I had waited any longer, it would have been disasterous!

Dr. Z: What would have been disasterous?

Pinkerton: You idiot, don't you see? If we had waited any longer, the I Scream would have melted! Why, here comes the I Scream man right now!


Dr. A: Hey Dr. Pinkerton...

Pinkerton: How dare you interrupt my important dissertation on frozen confectionary. What do you want?

Dr. A: I think Drumbot's right, you know, April 15th is tax day and haven't you forgotten to do your ta...

Pinkerton: Ahhh yes. I am reminded of the famous old addage... there are only two certainties in life: death and taxes. Well, I say - Death to the Angel of DEATH!


Pinkerton: Ladies and gentlemen, the Angel of Death!

Death: Uhh, sorry to have to break this to you Dr. Pinkerton, but I'm not the Angel of Death anymore. I got hired by the Internal Revenue Service.

Death takes off cloak, revealing he's the IRS man. He whips out some 1040 forms and shoves them under Pinkerton's nose.

Pinkerton: <struggling> Internal... Revenue...

Death: Yes, and I've got some questions to ask you about these tax returns. For instance, you left no physical address here, all you put was 'Secret C.O.G. Lab'. I'm going to have to ask you to come with me. <starts dragging him off>

Pinkerton: No wait, the competition...

Dr. Z: Ahhh, less competition for me! Why hello, I am Doctor Zaemon .... etc. Now that he's gone, I'd like all the ladies to pay careful attention to my funky ass groove.


© 2003 The Consortium of Genius.  All Rights Reserved.