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(c) 2009 by Lewis D'Aubin Mallet of Metal mp3 In the year 1987 A.D. The powers of a magic book Sent three travellers Men of Willowdale Subdivision Back to a dark era of magic, monsters, and sorcery And this is their tale... Long ago in An ancient time Three adventurers Were sent to find A shining weapon Heavy strong and hard They sent a warrior A cleric, and a bard to find the Mallet of metal x 6 Into the dungeons They did go To seek the treasure that was Hidden far below So many perils They would face To claim the magical Plus three enchanted mace they call the Mallet of metal x 6 Bring the Metal Mallet forth and not the one of wood (Mallet) Boring biting blighting bludgeon bring the bitter blood (Metal) Take the Magic Mallet now and see what it can do (Metal Mallet) Bludgeon blight and beat and bite and break your foes in two And long would the poets fight For the right to write about the fight that night and the creatures they did smite beneath the eerie green light As the dragon's burning breath Enveloped the stony room The bard began to sing of his own certain doom The cleric had to pray, for he knew the end was nigh The fighter raised his sword, and charged and shouted, "DIE!" Mallet of metal x 3 The bard has perished The cleric died The warrior remained Aloud he cried I have the mallet! He held it in the air He doffed his helmet And shook out his long hair It was the... Mullet of metal x 6 Bring the shampoo, product and the hairbrush made of wood (Mullet) Wash and blow and brush and comb and tease the hair up good (Metal) Bring the Metal Mallet forth and not the one of wood (Metal Mullet) Boring biting blighting bludgeon bring the bitter blood Congratulations. You now have the +3 mallet, and 1,500 experience points. The rest of you - please roll new characters. (Awww man!) |
I had threatened to write this song back in late 2007 while attempting to put together a metal supergroup called 'Yngwie Flattstein's Hair Force'. Sadly (?) that group never coalesced, but the idea for this song remained, until spring of 2008, when the words and music popped into my head while I was driving down Earhart Expressway on the way to a funeral. I quickly dialed my office number and recorded the idea into my phone answering machine, then called Chris Flattmann over and we fleshed out the rest of the song over the following week (Chris in particular came up with the part of the bridge heard under the 2nd stanza of the middle narration.) This song is basically a tribute to my ill-spent fantasy role-playing youth, to overwrought fantasy 'power metal' bands such as Rhapsody, and to the fact that the words in the title make an effective palindrome to anyone with really poor spelling skills. The song was essentially finished when Matt Brunson (of the band 'Kingdom of Sorrow') stepped in to contribute a really dazzling guitar solo. For the coup de grace, I called up my friend Charlie Matkin, of the New Orleans Opera, to contribute a basso reading of the intro, bridge, and outro narration. 'Mallet of Metal' was featured on the Funny Music Project site on 7/24/09. Credits Drums...........Lewis D'Aubin Guitars.........Ed Merilh Bass............Jim Fairchild First solo......Matt Brunson Second solo.....Chris Flattmann Lead vocal......Lewis D'Aubin Narration.......Charlie Matkin Recorded and mixed July 2009 at C.O.G. Secret Lab, Harahan LA |