C.O.G. Past, Present and Future News
Past, Present and Future

(The Story So Far...)


2018

September: Pinkertron and Drumbot are stopped by the REAL Consortium of Genius, who thaw out an old Pinkerton clone found at the back of the freezer - dated 5-29-1999!

August: Drumbot announces the creation of 'Pinkertron', a robot substitute for slain lead singer Dr. Pinkerton. Pinkertron releases a single with the COG entitled 'Learn To Speak Binary'.

June: Drumbot releases the C.O.G.'s first single of the 'Post-Pinkerton' era, 'Robot Party'.

May: Drumbot 2.0 succeeds in destroying Dr. Pinkerton's greatest enemy - by stabbing Dr. Pinkerton through with a drumstick. Drumbot reveals that he was in contact with the robot the entire time, and declares himself permanently in charge of the C.O.G.

April: Dr. Pinkerton announces Drumbot 2.0, a more powerful robotic creation designed to play louder than his predecessor AND to seek out and destroy Dr. Pinkerton's greatest enemy. Meanwhile, Drumbot gets his old band back together and releases a single about the dangers of H2O.

March: Drumbot, late to a gig and associating with his old flame Remy, finally pisses off Dr. Pinkerton to the point where Pinkerton fires him and begins auditioning replacement drummers.

2017

October: Dr. Pinkerton succeeds in doing the unthinkable - summoning Damien Storm back to the material plane!

July: Pinkerton's internet reign ends when his colleagues, under instruction from Morgus the Magnificent, print out Dr. Pinkerton on a 3D printer.

June: Declaring himself to be Emperor of the Internet, Dr. Pinkerton demands tribute with the threat of dire consequences...and even more dire music.

May: Dr. Pinkerton kicks everybody out of the Secret Lab and, using an old scanning laser, proceeds to digitize the entire contents of the lab - including himself!

2016

November: After a shocking turn to the election, Dr. Pinkerton's participation in the whole debacle is traced to the influence of the secondary brain attached to the top of his head. With the malignant mind removed, Pinkerton is back to his bad old self.

October: The official election anthem is released.

July: Pinkerton announces drumbot as his running mate. The election seems sewn up.

June: Dr. Pinkerton's presidential campaign is revealed to be influenced by a VERY foreign power... an alien one! Conspiracy theories run wild as an alien invasion seems imminent...

May: Dr. Pinkerton formally announces his candidacy for the office of President of the United States, with his first cam-pain stop to be held at the upcoming Supervillain Summit.

April: Dr. Pinkerton concludes that Extraterrestrials are to blame for the loss of his precious TIME, and releases a public statement about this matter, amid increasing calls for him to run for President of the United States. He then targets Time Travelers as well, and attempts to deport his own grandfather and sister Formelda back in time to the Paleozoic era. This plan is somewhat thwarted by Formelda taking control of the Time Door at the last minute and departing for unknown temporal coordinates.

March: Dr. Pinkerton finds himself unable to account for an entire hour of his life. After dedicating the year to doing something about this, he grafts a secondary brain to his own cranium and begins formulating a plan.

2015


December: In conjuction with Dr. Pinkerton's sister Formelda, Prof. Pinkerton exacts revenge on the Consortium of Genius by luring them to open the door of the Secret Lab with the promise of a truce and a bottle of 'Pinkerton Meade'. Dr. Pinkerton and his colleagues soon find themselves locked outside in the cold, and vow horrible revenge in the year 2016...


October: Dr. Pinkerton 'helps' his grandfather to shrink-wrap his new album, shrinking them down to 39.583% of their original size. Prof. Pinkerton vows revenge for this action, even after verifying that the albums are still playable...


September: Dr. Pinkerton discovers the 'malecule', a particle of pure evil. After detecting Strange Transmissions coming from the planet Uranus, Dr. Pinkerton dispatches Dr. McLummox and Dr. Ivan Stroganoff to investigate. Dr. Stroganoff makes it back but McLummox is apparently marooned...


August: Utilizing some leftover brains and a specially developed network lattice, Dr. Pinkerton constructs a megabrain network inside a Think Tank to augment his research. During some downtime, the Think Tank grafts itself onto a heavy constuction vehicle and goes on a rampage throughout the city...


June: Dr. Pinkerton perfects the Dischordynamic Energy Collector, enabling him to actually power his entire Secret Lab from energies of hatred and chaos - energies that are in ready supply among the populace these days! The Consortium of Genius host a Supervillain Summit to accumulate support for their anti-Superhero initiative, based on Pinkerton's new invention: the Super-Power Attenuator.


February: Dr. Pinkerton ups the ante with a hydrogen firebomb, disguised as a birthday gift, sent to his grandfather's Secret Drawing Room. The device slowly fills the first floor with hydrogen before igniting, completely immolating the inside of the building and putting an end to the Confabulation of Gentry...

2014


December: Dr. Pinkerton goes on the offensive, snipping his grandfather's beloved airship, the Universitas Victum, into hundreds of small cloth fragments.


October: Following another spate of invention thefts, Drumbot himself goes missing, only to reappear with a post-robopocalyptic all-machine band from the year '08x42' calling itself 'Circuits or Gears', which attacked its audience with brutal beats, videogame samples and lasers, finally ending up in an endless loop that was broken only by Dr. Pinkerton's sudden unmasking as one of the band's 'robots'...


August: Dr. Pinkerton founds the Extraterrestrial Deportation Militia, in an attempt to crowd-source a solution to the increasing perceived problem of alien theft of COG inventions. Dr. Pinkerton is subsequently abducted by extraterrestrial policemen searching for the most wanted creature in the galaxy.


July: Shortly after Dr. Sinistra Cerebellum's strange disappearance, Nurse Shark joins the Consortium of Genius as an xenobiological expert. Soon afterwards, more inventions are missing...


February: Dr. Sinistra Cerebellum invents a 'cosplay ray' to make ordinary citizens completely reCOGnizable, and proceeds to try it out on the Krewe of Chewbacchus...

2013

December: Dr. Pinkerton builds the Time Compressor, a device intended to compress all past and future time together into the present, in order to witness his eventual 'triumph'. The invention (mostly) works, causing all previous versions of the Consortium of Genius to appear together onstage for the C.O.G.'s 20th Anniversary Temporal Meltdown!


October: Dr. Sinistra Cerebellum answers the C.O.G.'s 'help wanted' advertisement, joining the Consortium as resident brain-care specialist...

September: Tiring of the Anti-Pinkerton's penchant for health food, flowers, politeness and Lite Rock, Dr.'s Z, McLummox, Stroganoff, and drumbot team up and perform some emergency surgery on the easily ambushed notrekniP rotcoD, plugging back in the brain sample that was confiscated from him back in June at Time Fest. Amazingly, this works (soon after reversing the polarity of the neuron flow), and Pinkerton is back to his bad old self with no memories of his negative-doppelganger...

August: At a Jazz Funeral staged for Dr. Milo Pinkerton III,the Confabulation of Gentry lambast the slain supervillain, then attempt to sabotage his Last Will and Testament to sign away his wealth to their own coffers, by way of staged subterfuge (involving the reanimation of his hand to sign off on a doctored Will.) Before the Will can be notarized, it is snatched by a strange person with white hair and a black lab coat who resembles nothing more or less than the anti-Dr. Pinkerton. This individual then locks himself in the Secret Lab and begins work on a formula to reverse the minds of the entire world to his backwards way of thinking (backwards speech, opposite colors, and a strange taste for Lite Rock...)

July: Without being able to extract DNA from Dr. Pinkerton's fresh corpse, Drumbot and the other scientists are unable to reconstitute him as they had so many times before — so Dr. Pinkerton, for once, is actually DEAD! Furthermore, Pinkerton's grandfather and his sister Formelda subsequently manage to mount a sneak attack on the Secret Lab and abduct Drumbot. Drumbot's main squeeze Remy Dee renounces evil and rejoins her superheroine league, The Champions of Goodness, after over two years of fighting for the BAD side.

June: at NOLA Time Fest, Dr. Milo T. Pinkerton III makes a deal with the Daleks in a gambit to become the BBC's next 'Doctor' and gain control of the TARDIS, in an effort to take over the Universe. At the end of a time travel contest of ridiculous proportions, Dr. Pinkerton gains entrance to the TARDIS, only to find himself in a significantly worse predicament.

2012

November: Dr. Pinkerton's threats to shut down all uses of 'magic' in the city run afoul of the greatest magic users in New Orleans - the Krewe of Chewbacchus.

September: Prof. Milo R. Pinkerton I, along with several members of his hypno-jazz gang, travels forward from the year 1912 via Formelda's subterfuge, and becomes active once again, attempting to restore the Pinkerton family's honor and musical tradition. Dr. Pinkerton, meanwhile, is oblivious, caught up in his efforts to become the most evil film director in history.

July: Dr. Pinkerton is abducted and held for ransom by the Komrades Oppression Group, a communist separatist group from the tiny country of Filbertistan.

March: C.O.G. conquers far-flung parts of the country in 2012, journeying to the frozen wastes of Detroit and Wisconsin. Experiment F13 is put in cold storage after becoming too dangerous to leave activated.

2011

October: Attempting to one-up Dr. Pinkerton, Prof. Chronotis travels back in time and edits the rock'n'roll time stream, infecting Ozzy Osborne with a love of brass instruments. This ends up backfiring on him as ska music becomes more popular than metal. Attempting to undo his efforts by traveling even farther back and preventing Little Richard from helping to invent rock'n'roll, Prof. Chronotis finds himself in even worse time travel trouble...

May: Lab Tech Remy Dee leaves her superheroine league The Champions of Goodness and joins the Consortium of Genius, initially to infiltrate and destroy them - until she and Drumbot fall in love.

2010

November: Dr. Pinkerton's grandfather, at the ripe age of 144, launches an assault on the C.O.G. and Milo III's cultural affrontery from his Antarctic base, only to be sabotaged with the one piece of technology he employed that wasn't steam-powered. The Antarctic base and Prof. Pinkerton are completely destroyed.

May: Dr. Pinkerton's sister Formelda, freshly widowed from her 12th husband Dr. Hyde, entreats on her doting/hating brother Milo, for some crash space following the mysterious immolation of her former homestead. Violence and embarrassing family drama ensue.

March: The embiggening beam intended by Pinkerton to blackmail the city with a giant bug attack instead turns New Orleans into a cockroach disco.

2009

December: Dr. Pinkerton attempts to release a horrible contagion upon the world, but thanks to the slow thinking of Filbert, ends up testing it upon himself instead with hilarious results.

November: Drumbot gets a wild hair up his circuits and threatens to explode unless his demands for rock stardom are met.

March: Dr. Pinkerton's discovery of back luck, or 'Pinkyon' particles backfires on him when a psycho killer happens to intervene.

2008

October: Dr. Pinkerton attempts to blackmail his way into Bad Horse's 'Evil League of Evil', with skull-crushing results.

September: Taking the Time Door out of storage for the first time in years, Dr. Pinkerton attempts to bend rock'n'roll history to his own evil ends by sending a menacing droog back in time to substitute for Elvis Presley.

March: Pinkerton's invention of the World's Deadliest Song backfires when he accidentally hears it slightly before the world populace.

March: Dr. Pinkerton faces off against Dr. Morgus in an attempt to take over the world via the power of wretched cinema. Morgus pulls the plug with mind-blowing results!

2007

May: A competition for 'Scientific American Idol' results a lot of awful singing, some smart performances, and finally, a fresh body for Dr. Pinkerton to take over (after all, he couldn't abide leaving anyone alive approaching his level of... 'genius'.) Pinkerton is flummoxed to find that audience vote has somehow left him with a new female body.

2006

July: Attempting to destroy the Earth by drilling into the planet's natural ley-lines, Dr. Pinkerton runs afoul of ska band 'Fatter Than Albert', a vindictive little Fairy, and the archdemon Blarney. Pinkerton destroys the Earth but is somehow killed by the tiny fairy's quick thinking.

2005

August: Dr. Pinkerton's attempt to build the perfect creature (Experiment F-1?) leads to infighting between Dr. Z and Dr. Rachnid for the perfect design.

May: Attempting to hypnotize the entire world with his new invention, the Hypnotronic Helmet, Dr. Pinkerton has to repel Horn Zombies, before suffering the psychic overload of the helmet's highest power setting.

March: Dr. Pinkerton holds auditions for a new guitarist, each one being twice as evil (and killing) their predecessors. Dr. Rachnid joins the C.O.G.

January: At the command of the Evil Empire's Emperor, Darth Inscrutable disposes of Dr. A and infiltrates the C.O.G. to steal The Time Door, leading to a fierce guitar-sabre battle.

2004

November: Dr. Pinkerton's efforts to bottle and sell nightmares backfires thanks to his colleagues' strange fears, and young Milo's horrible encounter with a fierce rabbid rabbit.

June: Drumbot rallies all the machines in the Secret Lab in a secret scheme to put Dr. Pinkerton on trial.

2003

October: Learning that the Secret Lab was haunted by the C.O.G.'s former victims, Pinkerton attempts to create a ghost vacuum... until running afoul of a giant marshmellow robot.

September: Dr. Pinkerton 'C.O.G. Robot Army Prototype' seems promising, but crushes the crap out of Dr. Pinkerton as soon as it is activated.

2002

October: Sherlock Holmes, Spiderman, and James Bond all attempt to destroy the C.O.G., annoying Dr. Pinkerton to no end when they zero in on Dr. Z instead of him as the greatest threat of the C.O.G.

2001

April: Haunted by the phantom of Damien Storm, Dr. A sets out on a mission to destroy evil and almost ends up killing Dr. Pinkerton... until a dose of frozen evil ice cream restores him to his properly senseless senses. First appearance of the C.O.G. Aircar.

March: Drumbot's new emotion chip gives him the power of consciousness, speech, and unsurprisingly, the urge to kill everybody in the group!

2000

December: When Filbert steals a can of deadly barbecue sauce from a crashed flying saucer, the C.O.G., disguised as the Cowboys of Genius, must evade the wrathful aliens... until Filbert let his guard down and is abducted.

November: In an attempt to take over the country, Pinkerton attempts to run for office... and makes the first-time political mistake of NOT lying about how he really feels about his voters.

August: Efforts by the Consortium of Genius to rid itself of the gutterpunks land them in hot water with both Death and the Evil One... which in turn land Pinkerton and Pentatonic in HELL.

May: Filbert's flawless musical performance leaves Pinkerton & Pentatonic scratching their heads... until it is revealed that Filbert has substituted an android in his place and is still at the lab playing Dungeons and Dragons and watching Star Trek.

1999

May: C.O.G.'s world takeover plans are sidelined by alien overlord Zarglar, who intends to take all of Dr. Pinkerton's inventions for his own nefarious purposes.

March: Mobster Dr. A Pentatonic shoots his way onto the scene, dispensing with Dr. Wissenschaft, and then, trying to kill Dr. Pinkerton and take over the C.O.G. for his boss, Uncle Delucca.

1998

September: Dr. Pinkerton attempts to create the loudest sound in the universe by crashing an alien spaceship into the World's Largest Guitar, constructed by Dr. Wissenschaft in orbit around Saturn.

February: Dr. Pinkerton sets the sights of his Radio Terrorscope on a new target: Spice World, planet of the Spice Girls.

1997

July: Filbert Snodgrass, Junior Scientist in Training, begins his perpetual internship at the Secret Lab in an effort to prevent any efforts of Dr. Pinkerton from remaining unbroken. First victim of this development: the Radio Terrorscope.

1996

June: Dr. Pinkerton blusters his way onto the stage for the first time in a misguided attempt to take over the planet with his colleagues, Dr. Wissenschaft and Dr. Smerlington, bringing to bear horrible, horrible sounds as well as deadly inventions such as the Sonic Mind Probe, Drumbot and the Time Door. The world is mezmoronically altered forever...


 

























What are you looking down here for? Idiot!