#1 Stupidest New Idea Known Yet to the C.O.G.:

"Platypuses erectus, A giant mechanized platypus send by a rival evil scientist to destroy the C.O.G." -R.J. 11/12/2003

"In order to mingle unnoticed amongst civilians (and thus take over their brains), C.O.G. could go inCOGnito..."

"Pinkerton could be disguised as a policeman, Dr. A could be a construction worker, and Dr. Z could be, um, an Indian. Then sing that song about Your Minds Controlled Always (YMCA for short)."


"Or, to be even more evil, Pinkerton could be a fireman (ala Fahrenheit 451), Dr. A could be a politician, and Dr. Z could be...uh...another Indian."

A marginal improvement. Setting books on fire is always a fun idea...

"Howaboot an ongoing series aboot the Krazed Archer's exploits throughout time. You can add new episodes (if that's what you want to call them) every new show."

"Krazed Archer being a reporter in different time periods presenting current events in the world."

"Krazed Archer in the 25 1/2 century!!!!!!"

Well perhaps that's where he presently is! The Archer certainly hasn't been heard from in a good while... HEY WAIT, ARE YOU CANADIAN?!??

"Clones (Pinkerton ala Agent Smith). Genetically engineered food. SARS. West Nile. Take some credit!"

I like the clone idea, but it has been considered before (as early as 7 years ago!). And we took credit for bioweapons YEARS before they were hip!

"Consider using interest in Bobby Jindal if he is elected, maybe even if he isn't. Play up alliances between fellow geniuses. Aren't you a Rhodes Scholar like Bobby? Are were you a Rougue Scholar? By the way, there is a Rogue College in Oregon. Maybe you met him when he was a fed at Health & Human services, or maybe at a mental health center when he was working for the governor. He has asked your assistance with, Pick some: wetlands loss, eliminating corruption, education reform, prison system, taxes... Will you be accused of copying ED Clancy's historical routines about Edwards? Made him quite popular for awhile."

Who are these idiots to whom you refer? Oh that's right... Louisiana politicians! Urrrm, NO. The mental differential is too great... wouldn't want my head to implode.

"Here's a hard one -> Drumbot could be an actual metal man playing actual drums on stage, and playing them at a speed and complexity that no human could match. His speech and cognitive thought facilities have not yet been incorporated, but you can be sure they will be in time for product endorsements."

"Maybe add some more robots to your consortium. You might need a Robot Resources department to handle all the hiring of robots."

Or maybe we could replace ALL the band members with robots, and just stay home. See also: Kraftwerk (1975)

"Here's an easy one: You know how they call Batman using a bat image they shine into the sky? Well the COG would get called using a 'cog' image they shine into the sky. But I haven't figured out why anyone would want to call the COG."

(Interestingly, the above idea had actually been thought up around two years ago, but not yet implemented...)

"Surf Summer Fun In The Sun, Oo Baby (just a stupid song title I thought you might like)"

No. We don't.

"Drumbot calls a sex line. Press 1 on your touchtone phone if you are wearing..."

...only a red hat. Press 2 if the hat is blue. NO. I will not have my drummer corrupted by this cybernetic depravity! That is Android Woman's function...

"A video spoofs the hip hop videos where the car raises and lowers on its air shocks. The COG car jumps into the air and comes down several seconds later."

Possible, but unlikely as the C.O.G. Aircar does not possess tires upon which to mount those annoying spinning hubcaps...

"how about inventing a new musical instrument/synthesizer that can be used as a weapon of mass seduction using Synthedit, syncmodular, reaktor or infinity as the base program you could build a synth that is not only exotic and powerful sounding, but has a cool interface (with pictures of you guys) that lures unsuspecting victims into your lair of sensual pleasures. Naturally the instrument would be featured in new music but if you could release a version that people could download off their dvd and play along with the COG trax, jamming with the band, so to speak (usually these programs are dll.s that reside in a host program like cubase or sonar, but with the brillancy of your superior intellect i'm confident you could figure a way to make a standalone program to run in tandem with your music trax)"

What on earth to you take us for, a rave act?!??

"Have ya tried a science fair?"

Note to self... enter real working model of hydrogen bomb into science fair under the name 'Doctor Milo T. Pinkerton IV.'