Android Woman
(c) 1999 by Jeff King, Chris Flattmann, and Lewis D'Aubin


Born of high technology
Handmade, finest quality
A lifeless heart, metal form
Inject the voltage and get her warm...

Android Woman - Engineered, best of breed
Android Woman - She's got everything a man could need
She's just an Android Woman - Way too much, too good to be
Android Woman - Plug her in, turn her on, and set her freeeeeee...

She's for real, stainless steel
Comin' down on you like a bolt from above
Glowing eyes, lightning thighs
A metal box where you can stash your luv
Made with care, built by hand
Filled with junk made in Japan

She's just an Android Woman - Flip a switch and she's ready to go
Android Woman - She's uh-lectric lady, not a cyber-ho
She's just an Android Woman - Fully charged, and ready for luv
Android Woman - Nice 'n' clean, and tighter than a data glove...

Android Woman, you're so new
All cased in styrofoam
Who needs instructions 'cause I've fallen for you
Assembled right at home
My labor of lust is nearly complete
I feel just like a kid with a Christmas treat so uh
Come on baby show me all that you've got
I put my ever-ready power in your battery slot oh yeah!

Sex-pot Fem-bot born to thrill
Built for speed, and dressed to kill
She's lubed up and ready for action
Can you resist the magnetic attraction
Every bearing, bolt and screw
Who needs a date when you can go and get yourself an

Android Woman - Plug 'n' play, and ready to please
Android Woman - Press a button and she's on her knees
She's just an Android... Woman! - Made of metal, to serve man
Android Woman - Can she rock you, why yes she can!

This 70's styled cowbell-laden rocker started, believe it or not, as a song called 'Snake Dog Monkey' (and I actually have the demo to prove it!) You see, it was supposed to be a three-part song, in the mashed together styles of Judas Priest, The Doors, and The Cult, with each virtual band singing about one of the animals in question, and, and...

Well, of course THAT was never going to fly, so instead I racked my brain trying to come up with something suitable. Thinking about the musical style in question, and the new advances in onanistic substitutionary anti-procreational recreational cybernetics, I penned the most offensively mysogynistic song I possibly could, concerning the perfect Android Woman.

Once the lyrics were finished, the song didn't take much time to finish. The guitar tracks were the biggest effort. We miked up Chris's Marshall Stack with the speaker cabinet in an iso-room, and Jeff played his new Washburn 'Dimebag' guitar. Four tracks of rhythm went down, then we laid down a bunch of alternate solo takes, and cut together the best parts. The guitar solo is noteworthy in that the recorded version is a few bars longer than the concert version. Bass tracks were done with Chris recording his Danelectro bass through Mark's Hartke cabinet and head. Mic and DI feeds from the bass were combined about 50/50.

I sang the whole thing then spotted the harmony vocals (it's noteworthy that back then I had to stretch considerably to sing this number, and in retrospect, wish I could re-record the vocals. They're a little off. But maybe that just contributes to the charm.) Then Chris came in and cracked everyone up with his Gene Simmons impressions, inserting 'KISS' background vocals everywhere, including helping me out on the high background harmony on the chorus with his 'Paul Stanley' impression.

This song has proven to be a popular live tune, and in 2005 was commemorated in an online adult comic by WLP Productions. Guess they didn't see it as satire!

Guitars.........Jeff King/Chris Flattmann
Bass............Chris Flattmann/Jim Fairchild
Synthesizer.....Lewis D'Aubin
Lead vocal......Lewis D'Aubin
Backing vocals..Lewis D'Aubin, Chris Flattmann / Jim Fairchild
Recorded and mixed 1999 at C.O.G. Secret Lab, Kenner LA
Remake recorded and mixed spring 2006 at C.O.G. Secret Lab, Harahan LA